Thursday, February 25, 2010
Adjustment
Everyone tells me that if I can just push through this initial period, Dylan will soon adjust to preschool and be begging me to go even on Saturdays and Sundays. As it is now, he whines about going every single morning. He tries to bargain with me ("I don't need to play with kids. I could stay with zia!") and as we walk toward the car he says "No mommy's car. Let's go on foot!" He knows that he goes on foot to his zia's or his nonna's, but if we take the car, we have to go to preschool. As soon as we pull up to the school, the hysterics start. He goes into a panic and has that same "I'm trapped!" look on his face I get when they close the door on the airplane and prepare to push back from the gate. It's very hard for me to keep my calm as he is pried out of my arms and taken away kicking and screaming by the teacher. I can hear him crying and begging for me to take him home all the way down the hall. The teacher told me that after I leave, he's always fine. She told me that yesterday he got really excited because all of the kids were circled around him and asking him to say numbers and colors in English, and he knew the answers. We are going to give it a bit more time and then evaluate. If he's still this miserable in a month or so, we may ask if he can go part time, which is what we wanted to begin with. As it is now, he still has not even gone a full day. Today I left him at 10 a.m. and have to go pick him up at 1 p.m. Everyone said that this period is harder on the parents, and now I understand why!
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4 comments:
Oh Michelle! I can't imagine how hard it is for you and D! I don't know if I will be as strong as you. What happened after the first week when he seemed to like "going to school?" The good news is that he settles down after you leave. How is is when you pick him up? Is he emotional or cry for you or just happy to see you?
It's hard, but I think at this point we need to keep going because if we pulled him out now, it might do more damage. If we come back to Italy in the fall/winter, he will go to scuola materna here and we will have to go through this all over again in a different school. I really trust this teacher who is doing his 'inserimento,' and I believe he is in good hands. Another teacher saw my face as I walked out this morning and came out to give me a pep talk. She said that it's better this way (that he cries now) because some kids seem to adjust fine at the beginning and then freak out a month into it. And she said that some kids get so sick about their moms leaving that they vomit or almost go into convulsions, and Dylan hasn't done that! Today when I went to pick him up (when I pick him up, he's very serious and it takes him a while to warm up to me - eek!) the teacher said that he had the time of his life. She said you can tell he loves playing with other kids and is starting to make little buddies, but every once in a while he stops what he is doing and gets sad and says "la mamma..." That breaks my heart but, again, to turn back now would confuse him and give the wrong message. One sweet little boy went and hugged him and said "Your mommy's not here. My mommy's not here either." Maybe we should have given him a few more months of "freedom" and just waited for scuola materna (or wherever it is he will eventually go), but it's too late to think about that now...
When I took S she was fine on teh first day (didn't know what she was in for!) but after that she cried when i dropped her off. Both here and in NZ they said that is totally normal, in fact they wonder if there is something wrong at home if they DON'T do that! The key was that she stopped crying after a few minutes and had fun etc there.
There was a phase she went through when she was indeed begging to go on other days - in fact last weekend when i wanted to take her to the snow she complained about how 'ugly' teh ski gear was and requested to got to daycare instead. Which i was more than happy to do!
I know it's got to be so hard on you. In the meantime, are there any positives you can focus on, like having more control over his eating/ sleeping patterns, being more stimulated than being with nonna/ zia etc?
It is frustrating that they don't do 'part time' here! In an ideal world i'd like 4-5 hrs per day 4-5 days per week but apparently there is some attendance law from age 3 on!!
Hang in there! Vanessa
Vanessa,
He's definitely more stimulated than at nonna's/zia's, but so far we aren't seeing any improvement in his eating or sleeping. I think it's too early. Strangely though meal times and nap times are much earlier there than what he had with his zia, he still wants to eat dinner with us and is still wide awake at night and doesn't want to go to bed - and not in an overstimulated way. The kid is bionic. This morning was slightly better in that he cried on the way there but not when we got there. He seems to adjust by Fridays and then when Mondays roll around, it's a nightmare again...Oh well. I think he does really like it while he is there - it's the idea of it that he doesn't like. As for after age 3 (now with the new Gelmini reform 2.5 years old - so Oscar will be like Dylan and will be able to go next fall), yes that is part of the normal school system so it's all day with no choice of part time. It's like they start kindergarten at age 3 here, though kindergarten in the U.S. is only half day. At asilo nido, they've got 4 teachers for 24 kids. At materna they've got 1 teacher for about 30 kids! Kind of crazy.
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